Worshiping God.

Sometimes it is so easy to forget how important it is to spend time with God. Not just by going to church on Sunday, but actually spending time with him every day. Since Easter Sunday I have been trying to connect more with God. In fact, during the Easter Sunday service I began to realize how much Jesus did for me that day and how I do not deserve any of the love or mercy He gives me. The fact that God loves me so much and sent Jesus to go through this pain for me is unbelievable. I do wrong every day and yet His mercy will never be enough.

Tonight I attended that last Sanctuary of the year. I had a feeling it would be a good one, but it really hit me tonight. I am learning to let myself be me during worship and to not worry about what my friends or the people around me think. It is not about them but about The One above. I let myself be one with the music and lyrics and sang them to God. During the song, "You hold me now" the arms raised around the room towards God was just amazing. People were truly worshiping the One who gives us the air we breathe. We were all one as our hands were raised to God and our voices singing praises to Him. When the song finished my friend looked at me and asked, "Is it possible for my abs to hurt from praising God so much?" My response back, "Is it possible for my back to hurt from praising God so much?" She said, "This is amazing."

The songs kept going and the worship kept becoming more passionate. Praises were being sung by hundreds of people. People who have been hurt, gone through struggles, laughed, smiled, and lived life to the fullest. No matter what people felt that day, we all praised Jesus as one. The Holy Spirit was in that room tonight and in the hearts of so many.

God is truly an indescribable being. He is Awesome and Mighty. I can't even fathom what all He has in store for me in my future if I only trust Him. Sometimes that can be scary, but I know that God is going to be there and lead me through these times. Our God is so good and He loves us so. He is holy, He is righteous, He is calm and patient. He is everything we need.

Honesty.

Honesty is such an important aspect to any relationship. Sometimes I forget that telling someone the truth is one of the best things to do. No matter how difficult it may be that is the only thing that someone can respect. Sure, honesty can be painful sometimes, but it is always better than lying. Holding in the truth from people who are closest to you can cause hurt and sadness. Honesty.

Lost.

I thought I knew what I wanted to write about, but the moment I turned on Before the Throne by Shane and Shane I just wanted to cry. Of course emotions are hard for me to express anymore lately. I went through counseling to be able to show how I was feeling and at times I feel like I have just fallen backwards. I read through my blogs and see a girl that was growing into a lady of God and realizing the purpose of life. Now my whole world seems upside now. I fall back into old temptations and sins, old longings, and frustrations. I can't seem to get away from them no matter how hard I try. I see friends around me growing in their relationship with God and I wonder where is He? I know that God is with me but I am staying far away from Him. The promises I have made to Him, I keep breaking. Why can't I keep these promises to God? He should be the one person I never want to hurt or let down and yet every time I make these promises to Him, I just lie once more. Does He give up on me after I break this certain promise one time after another? I know if someone repeating the same lie I would eventually give up all hope I had in them. Why does He care so much to hold on? I so badly want to be over this sin but I don't think I can do it alone, but to go someone scares me. Yes I have my closest friends but we discussed this now three years ago, I should be past this point. A sin that has consumed me for 5 years and won't go away. It is keeping me from growing with my Heavenly Father and I need help.