Lost.

I thought I knew what I wanted to write about, but the moment I turned on Before the Throne by Shane and Shane I just wanted to cry. Of course emotions are hard for me to express anymore lately. I went through counseling to be able to show how I was feeling and at times I feel like I have just fallen backwards. I read through my blogs and see a girl that was growing into a lady of God and realizing the purpose of life. Now my whole world seems upside now. I fall back into old temptations and sins, old longings, and frustrations. I can't seem to get away from them no matter how hard I try. I see friends around me growing in their relationship with God and I wonder where is He? I know that God is with me but I am staying far away from Him. The promises I have made to Him, I keep breaking. Why can't I keep these promises to God? He should be the one person I never want to hurt or let down and yet every time I make these promises to Him, I just lie once more. Does He give up on me after I break this certain promise one time after another? I know if someone repeating the same lie I would eventually give up all hope I had in them. Why does He care so much to hold on? I so badly want to be over this sin but I don't think I can do it alone, but to go someone scares me. Yes I have my closest friends but we discussed this now three years ago, I should be past this point. A sin that has consumed me for 5 years and won't go away. It is keeping me from growing with my Heavenly Father and I need help.