Heartbreak

A heartbreak is something no one ever wants to endure. Today I have felt what it is like to have the heart broken and to have the tears never stop coming. I am holding onto faith that I am going to be okay and that I am going to make it through this. In fact, I know that I am going to make it through this even though it won't be an easy task. Four months is not a life time invested into a relationship and that is all he and I had. It is going to take time to get over this all and to be okay with it. I have to give up talking to him and it is going to be one of the hardest things to do, but it what i need to do for my own healing. It may be three weeks from now or so that I see him next and when I do I want to be ready to see him and okay with it all. I just need time to come to my senses and be okay with it all. I still want our friendship to exist but currently for the best for both of us is to figure out our life and to not have this connection. It won't be easy, it is going to be one of the hardest things to do, but for now this is what needs to happen. It is going to be a rough couple of weeks but I know that I can make it. Heartbreak is not simple but I know that a lot can be learned from it.

Slowly Learning.

Sure sometimes life can throw everything at a person at one time and things all come crumbling down, but eventually life begins to look up again. Between family, friends, and my boyfriend life for the past week has seemed completely impossible to get through. Family is supposed to be that support system that is there for the entirety of one's life, but my family is dysfunctional. Growing up having to learn how to not deal with emotions and then a divorce only a year and a half ago we have all been through a lot. Things have been said that have hurt one or another and we didn't know how to deal with that. Slowly as we have all grown up and spent time with friends and other families we have learned how to deal with emotions and how to deal with issues with one another. And with friends, oh friendship. Some of my friends have been all over the world so the ones I used to lean on the most have been gone and communication is not the easiest thing to do. I have learned to lean on other friends and it has helped friendships blossom into greatness. Although when one of those friends suddenly goes away from you for a couple days life is even more hard, especially when everything else is already crumbling. It is the best thing though when a friendship is so strong that no matter the distance, the time not being able to talk, and the issues in life it can all prevail. Friendships are some of the best things in life to help me make it through life. I know that God has brought people into my life for a reason and I may not know it at a specific moment but at some point in life, I will figure out their purpose. Then being in a relationship is a great thing. I've been blessed with an amazing boyfriend who has put up with a lot in the past 3 1/2 months. Although the past two weeks I have fallen apart throughout the relationship and he has helped bring me back to reality and through every emotion I was feeling. No one ever said a relationship was going to be smooth sailing, there is always going to be bumps along the way, but that is what makes a person stronger. The past two weeks I was an emotional roller coaster and have had to learn to accept a lot of things in every relationship I have, but I am slowly learning what to do in order to make each relationship better and for the best. Along with everything that has happened I have learned to love God unconditionally and learned to fall in love with Him every day. He is incredible and has taught me so much in the past month and a half since I've invested a part of my day to Him. He deserves even more time then that time in the morning I give Him, I want to live my whole life for Him. He is an incredible God and I give Him thanks and praise for all the trials I have been through and for helping me make it through those times. Life is beginning to look up once again and smiles fill my face every day. Thank you for the troubles, because even though they are rough there is always sunshine on the other side.

Saviour King

"You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"

Every time I hear this song my heart goes out to God and I sing to Him. I don't care where I am or who I am with, this song touches my life in such an incredible way right now. I always knew that spending time in the Word and actually taking time to communicate with God and to have that Solo relationship with him would change everything, but I never accepted. After spending over a month in the Word I have seen such a change in my life. I have fallen more in love with Christ these past couple of days especially that it is unreal. When I am reading devotionals and actually concentrate on the words I can truly sense the Holy Spirit. Then when I take time to pray and tell God how I truly feel it is so amazing to feel the connection with Him. He is an amazing Saviour and I am so blessed to have Him in my life.

What It's All About.

I want that love where no matter what the other person is there. I want that love where communication is the key to success. That type of love where no matter how long I am with the person, every day I talk to them or I see them I just fall in love all over again. Where we are an uplifting relationship to one another, that is the love I want. To be that couple where the passion for each other is there every minute of every day. I want to be that couple where i love you can never be said too much. Where compliments can be the same but any time they are said we believe in the other and a smile appears. I want to have that love where no matter the distance placed between us we can make it through the miles. Thank you or appreciation comes from our lips whenever the other does something special or sweet for the other in this love. I want to have that love where encouragement comes to one another during the times of trouble or need. I want that love where we see each other in our days even when we are apart. Being with each other never gets tiring or old when in love. Laughter is always with us when we are in love whether it be because of the other's silly self or because we are so happy with each other that laughter fills our souls. I want to be that couple that when people look at us they say, I want what they have. Lifting each other up everyday is what we do in the relationship. Spiritual and emotional connection is so unreal in this relationship that the love cannot be put into words. I want that relationship where happiness is pouring out of us and everyone knows it is because we are in love.I want that love where we can never get enough of the other. I want that love that is so pure. A single flower can say a thousand words in this type of love. I long for the relationship that we can grow old and wrinkly together and can tell other's about the love we had 50 years ago and how it has never faded. I want to have that relationship where I still get butterflies every time we kiss. Silence is fine in this relationship because we know that we are simply with the other person and words are not needed to fill our hearts. The simple things put a smile on my face in this love. The love I want is worth any battle that comes in between the relationship. I just want a relationship that feels like a fairy tale. We are each other's rocks in the relationship. This relationship and love is there...somewhere.

Breaking Point

At one point or another in life, we all reach a breaking point. We all have that moment where we break down like we never have before and lose a part of our selves. During this moment every wall that we have placed up in our life comes crumbling down and the pain we feel is indescribable. It is almost like the weight of a hundred elephants walking over us and the tears that stain our cheeks burn like fire. This is a moment none of us ever want to come to but sometimes it is necessary. Here we find out quite a bit of information. We find out how much a situation has been hurting us and how long we have been fighting to keep everything alright. Life is never going to be simple and sometimes these moments where we break down completely are what we need to realize what is important for our own good and for the good of the other person.

Drowning

No one ever wants to experience the feeling of drowning. Pretend that you are an experienced swimmer and you know the basics of how to swim and how to be safe. One day though something goes wrong and you get tangled up by a rope and no matter what you do you can't get untangled (this being the want in your life or the sin). Once you realize you can't get undone panic sets in (the wonderings of is the right, should I be doing this, or is there a way to fix this?). Suddenly the gasping for air comes into affect, but when you gasp for air all you get is water (the want or sin of your life is beginning to overwhelm who you are and take over you). Now there are many endings to this scenario.

One. A swimmer comes by at just the right time and helps untangle you and saves you from almost drowning. When you reach the surface you gasp for air and then breathe in again realizing that you are free and can breathe once again. What was tangling you up was left at the bottom of the ocean floor and when you gasped for that first breath of air you were free of that want or sin. Now the person who saved you can be a mixture of many people: family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, or God. Maybe the family and friends helped you put together the problems you were having and led you back from the mess. Or your significant other saw that you were sinking and gave up everything they needed to in order to save you. Then there is God who saw the whole process take place and he watched you suffer and He came and saved you because He knew you needed Him and didn't want this pain anymore.

Two. There is some miracle and the rope becomes loose and you are able to swim to the top. You reach the top yet again gasping for air, but this is not the same as if someone saves you. This breath is a thank goodness i am alive, but you are going to fall back into the same trap as before. You don't realize how you were saved but you get past that. You go back to your old habits of that want or sin and keep thinking it will get better or solve itself once again.

Three. No one comes, the rope doesn't loosen itself. The only fate left is simply drowning to the death of this sin or want. You have become so developed in this part of life that it overwhelms your every thought. This want or sin becomes everything to you and you will do anything to protect it or say it is going to change. But in this scenario we can all see that the want or sin wins by overtaking the mind and body and the person tangled up by the rope loses. What they thought was going to change or was alright consumed their every being and they lost the battle they were trying to fight.

Drowning is not something we want to experience, but it is not only the drowning in water that a person can experience. In one point or another we all have this drowning affect overtake our lives. Whether it be during the school year with work, doing office work, figuring out relationships with family and friends, or falling in love with everything when it the other is not, we all drown. We consume ourselves with this thought or action and it become the reason for our every day movement. It may not be easy to let go of this sin or want, but for the better being of your own self you might have to let go to protect yourself. Drowning is not something we want to go through, but the experience is one that we can grow from.

Love

Love. That seems like it should be such a simple word but the complexity behind it is overwhelming. Shouldn't love be simple and easy, something that just comes naturally? Or is love something we are supposed to work at even when the going gets rough? That is something I am trying to figure out. The four letter word can change the meaning to any relationship; family, friends, or a significant other.

What is the difference between the word love? I love my friends and some of them I would do anything for, but what is the love I have for them any different than the love I have for my family? How can love be one word but have so many different meanings depending on the relationship we speak of. How do we know if someone truly loves us? What is love, that is all i want to know.