Trusting is so hard.

Two and a half weeks ago my life had a bump in it and every day I have been faced with something new. To start off my friend and I decided to end our friendship. This was not an easy decision and tears were shed. I assumed we might go a week not talking, but minutes, days, and weeks have passed by now. But I can't go out of order so I continue from the friendship that ended. My best friend, the person I was growing with, was suddenly cut out of my life. We went from seeing each other every day and talking every day to being nothing. Then the next day I get an email from a professor saying we have to talk about the orphanage in India. The next morning a group of 4 of us met with the professor and he told us how 23 girls we taken from the orphanage over night. I suddenly felt numb, more numb than two days before. I found the news articles and a video of the girls. There I saw one of my girls being boarded onto the train. I fell asleep and awoke an hour or so later feeling completely defeated and sick. At last I broke down in pain. The week went on and I talked to some of my girls from the hostel. Then I went through car issues and missing Josh more than anything. I was going through so much and I just wanted him there to hold me and let me talk about my thoughts and fears. Except I couldn't go to him. Then I got a message from my girl Andrea and she told me about 3 other girls in our grade 8 class that were taken. The girls I talked to and were beyond precious, just gone. From there the next week came along. I assumed what else could happen? More information on India happened and the girls were breaking. I couldn't do anything for them. My friend was still gone. All the emotions and feelings were just growing inside of me. One of my girls told me that everyone was going to have to leave the orphanage and they were scared. Once again that week, I broke down out of pure pain. I talked to a friend about the hurt I was having on that Sunday and she talked it through with me. I thought everything would be done, once again. Then I get news from my roommate since the beginning that she is moving out and she has finalized the move and all of her things are gone. Then today I get a text from my friend that has been gone. I was so happy thinking we were going to finally be okay. Instead he told me that William Wallace (the dog) was going to be getting a new home. I sat at work and tears welled up in my eyes. This dog was a source of happiness for me and always made me happy. Before I left to say goodbye I came to my room and just cried. This puppy was the last thing I truly believe I could take. I went to visit the puppy for one last time. Josh came out and our conversation was slim. When he left me with William, once again I broke. I miss Josh so much and I am going to miss the dog. My life was breaking once again during that moment.

All of this to say I have begun to realize how important it is to trust God. Sometimes that is easier said than done. At times I am filled with peace and know that God is watching over all of my girls, Josh, and now William Wallace. Normally when I am down about this all I pray to God. I know that He is taking care of everything but it is still difficult. The girls in India I have to trust learned all that they need to know and that God is watching over them every step of the way. Even when it comes to Josh, God is keeping Him safe because he is His child. I just have to trust God.