Realization

This past weekend I partook in leadership summit with my school. This experience first off taught me so much about taking charge and claiming my role. Along with that I learned how to work with others and how to determine strengths. We worked together with members from other leaderships on campus and we learned to work with one another. One activity the point of it was to simply ask for help, our team took 15-20 minutes to figure this out. We kept going in a circle and never asked for someone to help us. I learned that it is okay to ask for help when I am in a tough or sticky situation. Throughout this next year I am going to run into bump and curves and I am going to have to ask for help and in doing so I will learn so much. The summit was incredible and so much more could be said but this was a segway into my next point.

Tonight Dan Moranville, Stuckey, Katie Lawson, Heather Bryant, and I all had a time of fellowship, if you would call it that. We talked for 2 hours about almost anything under the sun. We covered topics on what a relationship is, a committed friendship, brokenness, the flood, the radio station, the campus, and so much more. During part of this discussion I was becoming to have a sense of peace over the whole Ben and me thing. Then afterwards Dan and I talked for about 45 minutes about just him and Lauren, Ben and me, then counseling. The whole discussion just helped me realize so much. Sure one thing that scares me is that Ben and I may never be friends again but it is something I have to accept, but I have to wait and see what happens. Ben was honest with me throughout the relationship and I did not want to listen to him. He told me he couldn't live up to the expectations I had created for him and I didn't listen. Even after the break up he told me his honest thoughts and I didn't want to accept them. Now looking back on it and after talking with Dan, I realize that Ben was doing his part and I was not being mature and accepting it but now the time has come to realize that. Bashing him to people around me isn't going to help the situation nor is it going to help him or I. In the summit we learned to be positive, people feed off of the negative and that is what I have done in this break up. There is no need to sit here and wonder what if because Ben and I were headed for the road of break up no matter the way we looked at it. We were finally forming the friendship needed and during that time we realized our values were different and would affect us in the long run and we didn't need that, for either of our lives, but Ben was the one who realized it first and it just took me time to get there. I can't expect so much from someone, because they are just a human. They are not meant to be an idol or someone I focus so much attention upon, but they are just a person, like me. Growing up is a hard thing to do and I am beginning to get there. I am now a leader, in a top position here at school and I need to lead by example and realizing so much of Ben and me right now is only going to help me lead people better. Thanks be to God for helping me come to realizations and for bringing people into my life to help me understand. There is so much more to realize and accept and that will take time but in the mean time God needs to become the center of my life and other events in my life will fall into action.